Why Am I Still Single? 10 Brutally Honest Reasons why You’re Single (and how to fix that)
Why am I still single? What is wrong with me? If you find wondering such questions you’ve definitely come to the right post.
Being single sucks when everyone you know has partner or is in a committed relationship or married.
You understand it’s not your fault that you’re single but somehow still you feel responsible for your singlehood.
To answer your question honestly, no it’s not your fault you are single (but yes, it is to an extent! Sorry!!)
How and why you ask! Well this post will answer all your questions on why you are still single and how to open yourself up to make great connections and find someone who loves you for who you are.
Why Am I Still Single? Here are some honest reasons
You have low self-esteem
A lack of self-esteem prevents you from getting into a relationship.
You truly believe no one would be interested in dating you but that is not true.
Clinical psychologist, Lisa Firestone, Ph.D, says a lot of single people face a similar issue, they’d love nothing more than being in a fulfilling relationship, but they internally believe no one would be actually be interested in them.
Lisa adds we all have an inner critic, which judges us for being too thin, or fat or weird or old and if we listen to this critic we sub-consciously internalize these false message which impacts our behavior and drives people away.
If you excessively worry about how you look, talk or eat, just remember you are pushing away potential partners with your over-thinking.
If someone asks you out in a date don’t torture yourself with a million questions such as:
“why are they asking me on a date?”
“What do they want?”
“I’m so ugly this won’t work out”
When you are struggling with low confidence it is always recommended to step up your social interaction with people you are acquainted with like people from your neighborhood this can reassure you that your communications skills don’t suck.
If you need some more guidance for your date here are over 200 date questions you can ask your partner on a first date.
You sub-consciously seek the perfect partner
Seeking the perfect partner? That’s okay after all you need to choose your partner wisely.
But there’s a difference between being careful and being too picky.
By nit-picking on every small thing in a potential partner you are sabotaging your chances of a real relationship.
No one is perfect, we all have our little weird habits or quirks that may seem stupid to someone at first but with time people adjust.
If you think someone will sweep you off your feet with their perfectness know that real life isn’t as rosy as those mushy romantic movies.
So don’t stress about little things.
Don’t reject someone because they don’t have the perfect hair, it will have no impact on their capability to be a good partner.
Reject someone on basis of compatibility and not for trivial things that are part of their personality.
You are scared of commitment
You have issues with being in a committed relationship.
Relationship expert, Ann Feister says, although more than women, it’s men who usually suffer from commitment issues.
There are a number of reasons why one is commitment-phobic.
— You are scared of attracting the wrong person.
— You fear you’ll grow out of love with your partner.
— You fear losing out next best partner if you settle down with your current one.
— You have intimacy issues.
— You are scared of relationships due to bad experiences in the past.
— You find the idea of spending your entire life with one person daunting.
Most narcissist have commitment phobia, because no one is ever good enough them. Here are some more narcissistic traits you should be aware of if you are dating one.
If any of the above signs resonate with you, therapy is a great place to start analyzing any underlying issues.
A one-on-one with your therapist will help you so much in understanding your commitment issues or any other trauma.
The current dating scene scares you
In this modern age with concepts like speed-dating or the availability of a thousand dating apps like Tinder, the experience of meeting someone has become a little soulless.
Swiping through zillions of pictures, choosing some potential interest and then going through the grind of impressing someone with your messaging skills is not an easy thing.
So if you are an old soul or consider yourself too evolved for the current dating scene, you may actually prefer to meet someone through the traditional ways, like via friends or family.
“Why am I single?” because you are comfortable being single
Some people are too independent and simply don’t want to be in a relationship.
Maybe you feel good being single or feel safer that way, than being with someone.
In many cases, people who are emotionally self-reliant from a young age often prefer their singlehood; even if they are in relationships they may approach it with a sense of detachment.
This mostly happens when your primary caregivers i.e. your parents didn’t give you the required attention necessary to develop attachment and empathy for others.
Like for example children from broken homes or with parents suffering from financial issues, mental health problems or addiction can often have issues maintaining healthy relationships.
Another reason could be you are too ambitious building your dream life, where you have zero time for relationships.
Many relationship experts will concede that workaholic partners can create strife in their relationships since they can’t maintain a healthy work-life balance.
You are still healing from a bad break-up
A bad relationship can create major trust issues.
Many single people who have been dumped or been cheated on, find it safer to close their hearts than meeting someone new.
A string of bad relationships can also be a major hindrance for you in getting into any relationship.
But if you only equate love and relationship with painful experiences you may shut yourself completely and later in life end up being lonely.
So yes, take your time to heal after a break-up but don’t shut yourself and miss opportunities for a better relationship.
You keep comparing your new partner to your ex
You always end up comparing your date or your new partner to your ex and if you find any hint of similarity with your previous partner you either lose interest or fall for that person but soon realize they are not what you are looking for.
This often happens when you are on a rebound where the pain of break-up is still raw.
So instead of analyzing every potential date minutely, just enjoy the dating process, accept your date for who they are.
Otherwise no matter how much you try, you’ll just keep on attracting the wrong person in your life.
You are still single because you’re trying to be someone else
Dating coach Lori Salkin, suggests that while first impressions are important you shouldn’t try too hard or change your personality to impress you date.
The person who’d love you truly would accept you with all your quirks.
So don’t try to be someone else on a date, since your true personality will come to fore sooner or later.
You have intimacy issues
A person having intimacy issues may feel vulnerable opening up to someone.
They either feel they are unworthy of that love or are scared of attachments; in both cases they actually push people away with their behavior.
Intimacy issues require a more detailed examination by health experts.
If a person has any past trauma or personality disorders or other mental health issues, they are likely to feel vulnerable in opening their heart to someone.
How to meet new people if you are single
Join some Book clubs
If you love books, join a book club, one of the coolest places to meet and be surrounded by like-minded people.
Hit the Gym
One of the best ways to meet people is at the gym, if you are fitness enthusiast consider talking to your other gym members, you never know where it can lead to.
Hiking is physically demanding, but definitely a great way to connect with new people out in nature.
Meet someone in a comfortable environment
Interact with new people in a comfortable calm environment, like a park, pottery or yoga class.
Visit some Bars
You can definitely find someone at a bar; most weekend nights at bars are crowded and great place to meet new people.
Get a pet dog
A dog can bring so much happiness in your life; it also highlights your positive qualities like responsibility and compassion, all important traits in a potential partner.
Plus a dog park is a great place to meet new people.
Having a dog will make you seem more approachable; so many people approach owners to pet their dogs.
Here are some more great places where you can meet new people.
Lastly, if you are single don’t be afraid of rejection
Dating can be brutal you’ll get ghosted, rejected or shut down, and yes the feeling isn’t great but it is definitely worth going through the rigmarole if you want to find the right one.
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